Mr. Vegetable Head
by animegrrrl
Summary: Vegeta in a broccoli suit- nuff said.


AUTHOR'S NOTE: All of the DBZ characters' names are translated literally cuz I wrote this in Creative Writing.  
  
The Prince of All Vegetables  
by Laura Verderber  
  
  
"...I just love pizza... That's a great idea. Yeah, we should definetly get some."  
  
The girl sat her pen down with a sigh and rubbed her eyes. "Stupid story." she thought. I hate it when they tell you exactly what to do. It's what made me not take art classes for five years... Whatever, the least I can do is make the best out of it. Maybe if I start over..."  
  
"...I just love pizza... That's a great idea. Yeah, we should definetly get some." said Sky.  
  
"Oh wait, that's too intelligent sounding. Sky's an airhead, literally. Maybe I use Rice? Yeah..."   
  
"...I just love pizza... That's a great idea. Yeah, we should definetly get some." said Rice to his girlfriend She-Devil.  
  
''Aarghh!" screamed the girl in frustration. "I am not inspired!" She bleated hysterically. "Pena Colada! Pena Colada!"  
  
The girl stopped, suddenly aware of her erratic behavior. She sighed and sat back down on her bed again. "Maybe if I read something, someone else's stuff. Yeah, I might be inspired."  
  
The girl's eyes fell to her current binder of fiction and art. She always kept it beside her, along with a few drawing supplies. There were many a time when it had saved her(from sheer boredom, anyway.). It was indispensible. The girl had even taken it with her to the junior prom. She reached in and pulled out the first paper she came to. The girl smiled. "This is going to be a good one." she said. ""Meet Matteo", by Joy Figueroa."  
  
The girl started reading. She would chuckle and comment outloud on the funny parts. "Heh, heh. Mr. Vegetable Head. Heh. I told her it was better than Mr. Vegetan. That name made him sound like a Vulcan! Now Mr. Vegetable Head, that could be a real name... like on a cooking show... Yeah! Go Joy! Er, me? The girl shook her head and started to write.  
  
"...I just love pizza... That's a great idea. Yeah, we should definetly get some." said Rice to his hungry girlfriend, She-Devil.  
  
Suddenly, the dorm wall exploded inward! Rice and She-Devil spun around, watching in shock as a small, spikey-haired man staggered up from the rubble. Rice, with a start, abruptly recognized the intruder. "What the- Veggie-head?!?"  
  
*****  
  
"You should have seen him, Panties." said a seething Rice. "He just busted through the wall and started hollering. He didn't even apologize!!"  
  
"What did he say?" asked a concerned Panties.  
  
Rice chewed on his lower lip. "Um, let's see. First he... stood up, pointed at us, and said "That Mr. Vegetable Head to you, half-legume. The Prince of All Vegetables!!" (And indeed, his head did rather resemble the end of an asparagus tip.) "So then I said-"  
  
"Yeah, whatever Veggie-head. What do you think you're doing, anyway?"  
  
"He started hollering and said "How dare you question me!!" I was standing there listening when he suddenly stopped and sneered." Rice growled. "That creep." His neck tendons stood out dangerously. "I guess he spotted She-devil hiding behind my shoulder, because his eyes widened and he said that he was "so sorry to interupt" and he- he-"  
  
"Go on." prompted Panties.  
  
"He implied that we were-" Rice's face reddened, "doing things! I swear, we were just ordering pizza!  
  
"Rice, you don't have to explain your behavior to me."  
  
Rice calmed slightly. "Alright." His brow creased in worry. "I just wish we hadn't got into a fight."  
  
"What! I didn't hear that before."  
  
Rice looked ashamed, then belligerant. "He was asking for it. He wouldn't leave She-devil alone."  
  
"Oh Rice, I'm sorry."  
  
"Rice shrugged. "Not as sorry as my mom's going to be. I'm probably going to get kicked out of college now."  
  
"What? Were there witnesses?"  
  
"No, we were moving too fast. But we didn't just destroy my room..."  
  
"What do you mean?"  
  
"See for yourself." Rice leaned forward and clicked on the tv. Panties' eyes widened in horror at the scene of devastation before her.  
  
"Rice! I'm surprised in you." Rice wilted, and for a moment he looked like the little boy he once was.  
  
"I know. Sigh. But there's no arguing with a drunk. He just kept going until he whooped my butt."  
  
"You martial artists," Panties said in disgust, "always fighting. So, what happened then?"  
  
"Nothing much, She-devil rescued me from the rubble while Veggie-head flew off." Bulma rubbed her temples as if she was suddenly very tired. "The paramedics patched me up. I was the only one really injured, so everyone assumed a bomb went off at place. I'm afraid they're going to link it to me."  
  
"It is linked to you."  
  
Rice looked indignant. "You think I was stupid enough to use to ki blasts? No way, the only damage I made was when your husband threw me through some walls. The reason I lost was because I was holding back!"  
  
Panties was surprised at his outburst. Apparently she had touched upon his Vegetable pride- something she thought he didn't have much of.  
  
"Woman! I'm home!"  
  
Panties turned toward the noise. Rice tensely brushed past her. She grabbed his arm. "Rice, wait!" Rice growled. "You don't have to do this, I'll cover the damages."  
  
"That still doesn't make up for all the crap he's done!"  
  
"So I'll make a wish for the dragon to take away his powers for the day." Rice looked at her in surprise. "I know that's not quite what you meant, but he has to learn that he can't go around picking fights anytime he feels like it. I think if he walks in a human's shoes for one day he might be humbled enough to actually apologize to you- and learn some responsibility as well. Besides," Panties put a hand on his cheek, "I don't want to see you dead."  
  
Rice's eyes blazed. "He couldn't kill me!"  
  
Panties smiled. "I meant your mother. Will kill you. If you don't go back. To college."  
  
Rice stood very still for a moment, then swept his friend up in a hug. "Thankyou, Panties."  
  
"No problem. Now go before Veggie-head sees us like this."  
  
"Ha!" Rice left.  
  
"Woman!" Bang! Bang! Bang! "Why is your door locked?! Open up!"  
  
"Hold on!" Panties opened the door in midbang. Veggie-head lowered his hand at the freezing look he got from his wife.  
  
"What did I do?"  
  
*****  
  
"Mr. Vegetable Head, you are charged with property damage, flying while intoxicated, and public disordilessness. How do you plead?"  
  
Veggie-head looked like he was about to blow the judge's head off for an answer, but the loaded look he got from his wife changed it. "Guilty." he mumbled.  
  
"Indeed. Well, I charge you $200,000 in fees and 70 hours of community service, doing..." Panties whispered in his ear. "Oh, you're devious. Mr. Vegetable Head, you will do 70 hours as Jerry Springer's cooking assistant. In a broccoli suit for free."  
  
"What!"  
  
"Got a problem?"  
  
"Oh, I've got a problem-" Panties stepped in front of him.  
  
"C'mon, let's go home." Veggie-head was ushered out. Days like this made him wonder why he just didn't leave his bothersome woman and go back to his planet. Oh yeah, an effeminate lizard man blew it up.  
  
"This is just like you woman, making me appear on one of your crappily sponsored shows."  
  
"Hey, I do not sponsor crap. The Jerry Springer Cooking Show has very large ratings, I'll have you know."  
  
"I an NOT going to dress up in a broccoli suit. Why don't you make Carrot do it." whined Veggie-head.  
  
"Because Carrot didn't blow up a campus and pick on a poor girl for no reason!"  
  
"I had plenty of reason."  
  
"What."  
  
"I was drunk."  
  
That got her. Panties advanced on Veggie-head until she was right up in his face. "You, wiseass," she said through clenched teeth, "are going on that show. In a broccoli suit."  
  
"But-"  
  
"And you are going to APOLOGIZE to Rice and She-Devil."  
  
"The Prince of All Vegetables does not apologize!"  
  
"Oh yeah?" challenged Panties.  
  
"Yeah!"  
  
"We'll see." Panties fumed. She decided that Veggie-head definetly needed to be knocked down a peg or two. She was going to make that wish, and just to be cruel, Panties would let Veggie-head find out for himself. It was time she put her vegetable prince in his place.  
  
*****  
  
"And now a word from our sponsor!"  
  
"That's you, Broccoli Man." the production assistant said.  
  
Veggie-head glared at the man. "My name is Mr. Vegetable Head."  
  
"Not while you're in that ridiculous suit." The assistant shoved him onto the stage. Veggie-head mentally put him on his hit list for later, but right now he had a commercial to do.  
  
"Hey, hey, ho, ho," he read awkwardly from the cue cards, "what's up, yo. Tired of plain old underwear that doesn't take everyday wear? Well now there's Vibranium, the high tech underwear that's tough and absorbs shock!"  
  
A cute kid popped onto the stage. "I love my Vibranium underwear!" said Veggie-head's kid, Boxers. "I can play on the playground all I want and not worry about ouchies!"  
  
Veggie-head read his last line. "Brought to you by the high-tech genious of Panties, making playgrounds safe for little boys everywhere." Veggie-head gritted his teeth. It was bad enough that she named their son after underwear, but now she was exploiting the boy too! He pulled his kid off stage. "Boxers! What are you doing here?"  
  
"Reading my line, duh."  
  
"Is your mother punishing you?"  
  
"No, I just wanted to be on tv."  
  
"There could be more dignified ways to got on the television than filling in blanks for The Jerry Springer Cooking Show."  
  
"Mom says it's educational."  
  
"What!"  
  
"Yeah, she says she learned how to cook from this show." Veggie-head felt his stomach churn. The topic for today's show was "Roadkill Greek Turned Chic." He really, really hoped Panties didn't make any of the highlighted recipes for dinner tonight.  
  
After doing more humiliating commercials, Veggie-head was exhausted. No, not just exhausted- beaten. He came to Panties at the end of the day and promised to never pick on Rice(or the 'the geek' as Veggie-head put it) and She-devil ever again, if Panties promised to keep him and his son the hell away from that degenerate show. Panties gave him a hard time. She also managed to get out of him a promise to not destroy public property (damn), to not fly while intoxicated (double damn), and an apology(damn! damn! damn!). Veggie-head did go through with it, although not graciously.  
  
Although all was now right with the world, Panties was a little disappointed. "Hey, Veggie-head, nothing happened to you today, did it?"  
  
"Like what?"  
  
"Oh, I don't know... did you have any accidents?"  
  
"Noooo, why."  
  
Panties shrugged. "No reason."  
  
"Whatever. I'm going to go spar with Carrot now." The Prince of All Vegetables stepped off the terrace to fly gracefully into the sky- and found himself plummeting to the ground three stories below.  
  
"Woman!" Veggie-head said, after he had dragged himself out of the pool like a wet rat. "What happened to my powers!!!"  
  
"How should I know." said Panties through her snickering.  
  
THE END 


End file.
